Worldly love vs Godly love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy;love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 

1 John 3:1a - "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God!.."

Colossians 3:14 - "But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection."

There are so many verses that focus on the way that God loves, and the way that we in turn are expected to love  Him and others. Jesus said in Matthew 5:43-48, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain  on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." Jesus explains the difference between how God loves and how the world loves. The world loves when it is easy, convenient, and useful. The world offers false love, as demonstrated in 2 Samuel 15, where David's son Absalom "stole the hearts of the men of Israel" (vs 6) with his wit and charm and smooth words. He stole the affection of the people away from his father and ultimately away from God. Absalom later led a rebellion against David and ended up dying by a soldier's hand because he got caught in a tree during a battle... weird story, you guys should definitely get in on that. 

Worldly love is summed up in 1 John 2:15-17 - "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." (emphasis added).  Those verses are a perfect example of what the outcome of each type of love is. With God's love, we get to abide forever with our Creator. And we know from John 14:15 that "If you love Me (Jesus), keep my commandments.", and that the greatest commandment in the law is "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (Matthew 22:37); so it goes to show that following God's will is how we show our love for Him. 

However, with the world's love, the Father is not in us, and we are not of the Father but of the world, which is passing away - meaning that instead of abiding forever with the Lover of our Souls, we would also pass away and out of His presence. That seems pretty harsh, but God and the world (more specifically, sin) are polar opposites. If you love the world (which means the sin in it) then you cannot love God. If you love God, then you cannot love sin. And you can't ride the fence because Satan owns the fence. It's not possible to serve God and sin (I can't find where that reference is...). Also, if you're lukewarm, God wants to projectile vomit you out of His mouth (Revelation 3:16), which in my mind doesn't allow for dwelling forever with God - that lines up more with passing away with the world.

And with all of that, I've realized that I often revert to the world's way of loving. I'll love my friends and I'll love my family and I'll love when it's convenient - just as anyone in the world would do. That doesn't distinguish me from any nonChristian. That prevents me from sharing God's love with those people that I can't find it in me to love with God's love. Serving is a form of love, and I'll gladly serve some people over others - if someone I like asks me to do something that's time and money consuming, I'll do it gladly and without complaining. But the minute someone who I don't particularly like asks the same thing, I shut down and if I end up doing it, it's not done in a  joyful way and it's definitely full of whining. I've been convicted by the love described in 1 Corinthians lately. I'm just glad that God is patient with me and that He's brought it to my attention. Loving is hard - but it's what God wants. Loving others is loving God. I'm thankful that God gives us His love when we have none of our own to give, essentially becoming our strength in times of weakness. My prayer is that He'll fill me with His love so that I can use that overflow and depend on Him to love those whom I wouldn't love on my own. 

God bless :)

Pride comes before the Fall

And it's true. Lucifer, that proud, beautiful being who lived under God, certainly fell. He fell a long, long way. Somehow he ended up talking his way into Eve's head in that Garden one day, and weaving his little tale about being above God, knowing what God knows, and being as powerful as God. It's ironic, actually, that Eve fell victim to the same tendency to pride that Lucifer has. And all throughout human history, pride is a recurring issue. Pride is probably one of the most self-destructive emotions we can feel. Pride goes against God's divine purpose because as we become proud, we lose sight of what God really is in relation to us, or, more importantly, we lose sight of just who we are in relation to God and consequently we lose our close relationship with Him. We inflate ourselves because of our bodies, because of our minds, because of how witty we are or how important we are in our community and circle of friends. As we start to build ourselves up, we lose sight of God. We become so obsessed with being attractive, smart, funny, important, and popular that we forget that without God we are nothing. 

In the emergency of discovering a pimple right in the center of our noses that throws off our beauty, we forget that God created the heavens and the earth in a single breath. In the panic of noticing the extra pound or two that will impact the fit of our clothes, we forget that the stars were almost an afterthought for God ("and the stars also"). In the excitement of getting that one special guy or girl to notice us, we forget that God pulled a rib from the man he created and from it made a woman. In the moment of scorn that we feel when the person next to us messes up, we forget that Jesus died a horrific death for that person. 

not only did he die a horrific death for that person, but for every murderer and child rapist in the world. And for us. Jesus died a horrific death for those of us who see ourselves as near perfect, who have never committed the "big" sins, who never ran away from home, who achieved good grades, who never stayed out past curfew and always said please and thank you. Of course, in that moment of scorn we feel that of course He died for me, I'm the good one. I'm the one who should be died for. I'm the one who can control myself where clearly this person can't.

The Bible warns us to take care of the log in our own eye before we can consider the splinter in someone else's. It always confused me that the Bible would assume that my problem was bigger than anyone else's. Why did mine have to be the log? Why couldn't mine be the splinter? And honestly, how does a log get into someone's eye in the first place? I think the point here is that no matter how perfectly you think you're living your life, God's version of perfect will always be out of reach for us. We can always help each other and build each other up by using Godly criticism, but the second we set ourselves above anyone else by assuming that their sin is worse than ours, God is thrown out of the window and perfection becomes skewed. 

The sad thing is that I never really thought about pride being an issue for me. It hit me really hard when I realized that I had a proud heart. And that's ironic because in assuming that I wasn't proud, I became proud of my humility. In my mind I had risen above all the poor shmucks who struggled with it. I have always been the goody two shoes. I have always brought home good grades, come home before curfew, and had all of the answers in school. I have never yelled at my parents or run away from home, and the single most rebellious thing that I've done was wear mismatched clothes. Yeah. Ask my mom about it, that was my rebellious phase. So my whole life I've been the good kid, and as such, I've developed a habit of seeing those around me in the light of my upbringing. As my classmates and friends argued with their parents, I judged. As they flunked a test that I aced, I judged. As I heard stories of parties and drinking and drugs, my eyebrows were raised in Christian disbelief, and I judged. My type of pride is more insidious than the type that comes from having a pretty face or a nice body. My pride is sneakier than that. My pride is buried under Christianese words and values, and dressed up in the frills of the knowledge that I'm walking on the straight and narrow path (the "holier-than-thou" mentality). It's exactly how Satan works because it's in the middle of truth. Yes, I'm saved from an eternity of hell. Yes, I get to see my Savior when I die. Yes, I'm covered by Jesus' innocent and perfect blood. However, I had nothing to do with that. I am as much of a sinner as everyone else. I have as much dirt on me as the next person, if not more. I was just blessed enough to accept the free gift that God offers His beloved creation. How can I look with scorn at my neighbor when I was dead in sin once too? The feeling in my heart shouldn't be scorn or pride, but love. "But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection." (Colossians 3:14).

Good thing God offers mercy and forgiveness to those who sin, because I have sinned. I can't get through a day without sinning. The consolation I have is more than I deserve: "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! (1 John 3:1a) I, and all of those who have taken Jesus as their Savior and God as their Father, get to rest in the knowledge that we are made perfect through God's love and Jesus' sacrifice. Every day is new. Pride dies here.

God bless :)

Trust in a Time of Need

I'm not a patient person by nature. I don't think that many people are anyways, but only by the grace of God can I hope to be patient. I know that I will never be a teacher, because once I understand something, it's hard for me to find the patience to teach it to someone who doesn't get it as fast as I did, if they get it at all. So you can imagine how hard it is for me to be patient when, after getting this amazing revelation about trusting my life to God, I see someone not understanding the same thing. I know that God has everything under control, and that when I give Him my life and my focus (delighting myself in His ways) He'll take my life and He'll use it and bless it (giving me the desires of my heart). But does she?

By the way, you know who you are. If you read this, anyways.

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" - Philippians 4:19

(Get ready, this is a big one) "Therefor I say to you, do not worry about your  life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things." - Matthew 6:25-32

In Oregon I had to learn that God was and is and always will be sufficient for me. He is gracious enough to give me amazing and supporting friends and family, but He is the only thing that I need. He is my life and my focus and I can't let anything tear me away from Him. I gave Him my heart, mind, soul, body, thoughts, desires, questions, everything I have, and because of that I know that my life will be blessed and I don't have to worry about where I'm going to live, what job I'm going to have, who I'm going to marry or anything else. It really hurts me to see those closest to me desperately clutch at their lives and as a result constantly stress out about the future. If it's given to God, there's no hassle. If it's given to God, He'll take it and bless it. He'll give you more things than you expect, definitely more than you deserve, and He'll do it because He loves you.  Trust me, I've been there. It's an amazing place to be in, trusting that God holds your life in His hands. And His are extremely capable hands. He loves you unconditionally. No good thing is withheld from His children. And if it's bad - if it takes precedence over Him - He loves you enough to take it away.
I've seen people who have experienced this. I've heard their testimony. You don't have to experience it to understand it, you just have to see it happen. God used the punishment He served to the Israelites (in Ezekiel and other places) to strike fear into the hearts of the Gentiles so that they would see the consequences of disobeying God. Why be the Israelites if you can be the Gentiles? Why bear the punishment if you don't have to? Give it fully to God now and be spared the angst and the trial.

I feel like that was really doomsday-ish. I hope it registers, though.

God bless.

Foot in the Mouth

I need to stop saying things that I can't keep up with. I've had this problem all my life - I'll say something that at that moment is so right, and I'm sticking with it no matter what, and nothing is going to change my mind. Then, usually a few days later, I realize that there is something that can change my mind and I have to retract the statement I made. I usually look dumb doing it. So.... no more statements from me unless I can keep them, otherwise my word isn't good.

The reason for this post? I'm not going to lie, I'm embarrassed that I have to say this, especially since the statement was written down in a previous blog, but... I'm retracting my no hugging guys rule. I've realized that while there are situations where hugs are inappropriate (like when you just meet someone and they go for a hug), there are also situations where hugs are appropriate (like when you come back home after being in a different state for a month and people who you know want to hug you because they missed you). I need to find the happy medium that will allow me to be personable without compromising completely on my personal space. I'm working on that middle ground right now. Moral of the story: I won't just say things unless I can stick with whatever it is that I've said.

So I'm sorry that I seem flaky, but I am working on it and hopefully in the future I can learn to keep my mouth shut. There's a Proverb or a Psalm that mentions listening instead of talking... I'll do my best to do more listening and less talking.

God bless!

I'm so Blessed

I'm just so happy to be with God. I've heard (and agree) that we should be spending as much or preferably more time serving God, waiting on Him, and being with Him as we would on a boyfriend/girlfriend. But how are  we supposed to put such a tangible spin on something that is completely intangible? I can't touch God, and I can't ask Him something and receive an audible and immediate answer... so how does that work? How can I devote my life to Him? How can I dote on Him and fall in love with Him and want to hang out with Him as much as I would want to hang out with a boyfriend?

I'm still trying to figure it out, but I feel like my mantra now is Psalm 37:4, about delighting myself in His ways. I just want to delight myself in Him, and I know that He'll take care of the rest. The awesome thing about knowing that God has everything under control is that I don't even have to worry about my life. There is no actual need anymore to be stressed out about any decision, or about some event that's coming up, because there are no accidents with God, and He has everything under control. He tells us that all good things come from Him, and I know from experience that everything He puts in front of me is for my good. Even if it's a tough time in life, that time serves to strengthen my faith and refine it in order to make me more useful to Him. Every good thing comes from God. I am confidant in that promise, and I'm blessed to know absolutely that right now, God has me where He wants me, that He's confirmed that His hand and blessing was behind my move back to California. I thank God every day that He is with me, even when I'm not with Him.

I also think it's awesome that He's given me all of this time off of work and school, so that I can really devote my time to Him. I can dote on Him and serve Him and talk with Him. He is swiftly becoming my everything, and I don't ever want that to stop. I want to go to Him first for something that I need or want. I want to wake up praying, and I want to bless Him with everything that I do, whether someone is watching or not. I want my life to be taken over by my Creator, and I want to share Him with my friends and with people that I'll meet in the future. I'm still super excited to see more of God's plan for my life!

God bless :)

Prince of Persia (and the Sands of Time)

YOU SHOULD ALL SEE THIS MOVIE!! It has become my favorite movie of all time, even over Iron Man, the Kill Bills, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I'm totally serious. It has sword fights, it' has parkour, it has time travel, it has a really good plot line, and it has less than cheesy dialogue. Beyond all of this great stuff, it doesn't have any cussing or sex scenes!! ONE little kiss scene (maybe two, I don't remember if there's one at the end), and it was a chaste kiss. WHAT!!!??? There are next to no movies these days that are completely clean (to name the few that I've seen, there's Sherlock Holmes, even though it has witchcraft, there's, uh... maybe the first Batman with Christian Slater? I haven't seen that in a really long time, though. There's... Alice in Wonderland. And that's as far as I can think, but correct me if I'm wrong... I'd love to see some clean movies). This one, though, completely takes the cake, and you better believe that that cake is super double decker chocolate with chocolate chips and chocolate icing with big chocolate swirls on top. Great movie. Watch it. Then watch it again. Then eat some chocolate cake because it's really good.

Dang, now I want to watch it while eating chocolate cake :p

God bless!

What to do now...

I'm so excited for life now, it's weird. Being able to have time off of life really helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my time. Time is the ultimate luxury, and having experienced an extreme lack of time last year, I'm really able to understand how valuable it is. I've had my bored moments, but I can always do something - I can go on a walk, I can write, I can draw, I can take pictures, I can take a road trip. I have the complete freedom to do anything, and it feels spectacular. However, since I need money and I like to feel productive, I am looking for a job, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to go into customer service ever again. I've had that experience and it lasted as long as it needed to. I'm not one to inflict pain on myself, so I'm looking now for a dependable morning to afternoon job, with no nights, weekends, or holidays.

I know that this is possible because my sister, when she was younger, was fortunate enough to be invited to work at our dentist's office as a secretary/receptionist/cleaner/whatever else she did. She only worked a few days a week and never had to worry about nights or weekends or holidays, because the office would close early and honored the holidays. So right now I'm looking for a job in dentist offices, hospitals, clinics, something like that, where I can type, file, clean, whatever they need, as long as they have dependable morning to afternoon hours. I love working in the morning and I love having time off at night to go to Bible studies or hang out with friends, so I figure that I might as well just put two and two together. It will work out especially because I'm taking the semester off of school, so my days are open and I have no prior obligations. As much as I enjoyed school, I am feeling so fortunate to have been able to take time off.

I suggest to anyone reading this (I know I'm risking the wrath of all parents everywhere, but trust me, it's worth it if you've worked through high school) to take at least a semester of school off before you dive into real life. You've gone through 12 straight years of school, and it does a person good to take a break and grab some time off. Of course, I am coming at this from the angle that I needed time off, because I worked about 20-25 hours a week while spending most of my day on school anyways... I needed time to get some semblance of a social life. If you haven't worked in high school or played sports, then taking time off wouldn't really do much for you, because I'd be willing to bet you had every night and weekend and holiday free to do what you want, and I really believe in productivity. If you're not planning on going to school, you really should be working. There's a passage in Proverbs (I think) where Solomon talks about laziness vs working, and I know that God favors productivity, because the lazy person's character is generally lacking (no offense to anyone who's reading this... I'm the one sitting on my bum writing now instead of actually looking around for a job - I just know that productivity is extremely important).

Anyways... I guess I'm trying to say that I can't wait to get a job and be able to hang out at night with my friends. Wish me luck!

God bless :)

Well, as long as I'm a coffee shop

I had to be a part of the blogger's cliche and write a blog in a coffee shop. I figured that this would officially make me into a real blogger.

You know, I haven't been in a bad mood in a while, but I'm on a two-day streak right now. It's a bummer, mostly because there's not a legitimate reason for me to be moody. I just am. It's just one of the many things we girls get to experience until well past menopause (and I'm sorry to all of the guys out there who I'm sure are dealing with or have dealt with a moody woman - take it from me, it's almost definitely not your fault, we just like finding things to be mad about sometimes). Unfortunately I'm about 40 years away from menopause. Guess I'm going to have to find a more constructive way to take my mind off of things. Blogging isn't too constructive, because I stew over my bad mood... but I'll make this one good.

Actually, the cool thing about knowing that there's nothing to be mad about means that I can control my mood because it's all in my head anyway. God tells us to rejoice in the day that He has made, and obviously He's made this one and yesterday. He's pretty hands-on - He doesn't let just anybody make days. Which is super encouraging, because that means He knows I'm in a bad mood and He'll step in and help me once I actually stop thinking about how annoyed I am and talk to Him. It's so weird when you're in a bad mood, because every little thing grinds on your nerves and you don't really get around to looking at the big picture (i.e., the fact that there are people dying for Christ in China and things like that).

And I'm ashamed to admit that even through everything God has done for me over the past few weeks, I have the typical human attention span. And obviously I'm human, I'm not denying that; I'm disappointed in the fact that it only took two days of PMSing to take my mind off of God's wonders. I had the thought last night that if I can't be joyful through a bad day, of what use am I to God? Anyone can be joyful when there are things in their lives to be joyful about, but faith shines through on the days where everything is going badly. And it shines through on the mediocre days also. I think that's actually where it gets tough, too, because that's where complacency sets in and you have bad days for no reason. That's where I am right now.

I also know, though, that beating myself up about having a short temper is just as destructive as the short temper itself; it's good to realize what you're doing and repent of it, but dwelling on it turns to self-disgust and self-pity, neither of which are useful mindsets for God, because we're so focused on ourselves. So. Let's talk about the Bible. I found a few great verses about anger: Ephesians 4:31-32: "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." That one is great, because I realized that when I'm in a bad mood I tend to lash out at those around me with bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking - tenderheartedness is never at the front of my mind on an annoyed day. Also James 1:19-20: "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." God is so good. He wrote these verses for us because human temperament leans naturally towards anger and selfishness. I'm starting to pray daily that God will work on my patience and my heart so that I can respond to all situations with grace and joy. (By the way, I find the verses that I quote in my blog in this awesome little book called "God's Promises for Your Life" - it has sections for anger, loneliness, confusion, things like that. It makes it easy for topical discussions!)

And He's also good, because I'm in a better mood now :)

God bless!