Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Balaam and Balak

So in my devotional this morning, I was reading in Numbers chapters 22-24 about Balak, the king of Moab, and his deal with Balaam, the famous diviner in the land. If you haven't read this story yet, you should, because it's awesome. Anyways, Balak feels very threatened by the Israelites because of their vast numbers and the fact that God used them to conquer large cities, so he goes to Balaam and says, "Therefore please come at once, curse this people for me, for they are too mighty for me. Perhaps I shall be able to defeat them and drive them out of the land, for I know that he whom you bless is blessed and he whom you curse is cursed." (Numbers 22:6) So Balaam goes and speaks to God (which I found interesting, because he was this pagan sorcerer who apparently had enough success with "the gods" to be famous). God tells him not to curse Israel because they're actually blessed (obviously, from the way they're mowing down cities). So Balaam tells Balak that no, he can't curse Israel because God had blessed them. Balak whines about it, offers Balaam more money, and Balaam asks God again if he can curse Israel. Surprisingly enough, God tells him that he can go with Balak, on the condition that he can only say what God wants him to say. So Balaam goes, after being talked at by his donkey, and ends up actually blessing the socks off of Israel four different times.

This huge long intro is basically here to set up the verses that shocked me: "Behold, I have received a command to bless; He has blessed, and I cannot reverse it. He has not observed iniquity in Jacob, nor has He seen wickedness in Israel. the Lord His God is with him, and the shout of a King is among them." (Numbers 23:20-21). This probably doesn't seem like such a huge deal, because Israel was God's special nation, and He promised them this amazing land, flowing with milk and honey. But I've been reading chapter after chapter where the people complain to Moses about God, always mentioning how great Egypt was and how they were hungry and were sick of the manna, and on and on and on. There had to have been at least three different times where God was just about to wipe out the entire nation because of their iniquity and rebellion, only refraining when Moses stepped in and interceded for the people. I have been wading through the moanings and sins of the Israelites for days, and then I come across this amazing jewel of a section - God saw no iniquity in them! I was pretty surprised to see those verses, because there clearly was sin happening in the people, and clearly God was dealing with it in harsh ways (sending sickness after sickness and enemies into the camp to kill the rebellious people), but after all of that - in spite of all of that - He declares them blameless in His eyes, perfect in His sight, fit to be blessed no less than four times by Balaam.

I have always thought that there was a huge difference between the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New Testament, but here the two are one. Now, I know rationally that God hasn't changed (He is the same today, yesterday, and forever), but as I've gone through His word and seen the difference (sacrifices were needed, He seemed a lot more irritable with mistakes, and He went on killing sprees in the OT, whereas in the NT He accepted His Son's death, grace is valued above the law, and He showed much more restraint with His undoubtedly just judgement), it's been easy to separate the two versions of God. Jesus changed everything absolutely and for good, which is awesome. However, through these apparent differences in the personality of God, this section depicts Him showing the exact grace that He shows us in the NT, once Jesus died for every sin in the world. He accepts their sacrifices as readily as He accepts Jesus' blood and forgets entirely that Israel is a very fickle nation, just as He does with us! How awesome is that? It doesn't really affect us today, but it really excites me to see the proof that God is constant throughout history, full of grace and mercy as well as judgement and righteousness.

I hope this all made sense, even if it was all over the place. God bless!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thank you for...

Today is Thanksgiving. So, I just wanted to write God a thank you note. Here it is!

Thank you for:
Amazing family and friends
Breathtaking weather and beautiful days over the past month (rain included)
Christmas expectations!!!
Days off from school and work to enjoy
Excellent times in Your word, both in church and out
Fantastic moving experiences
Grace and peace and mercy for all of the stuff I do wrong
Hilarious conversations
Insomnia
Jesus!!
Knowledge of Your word in confusing days
Laughter (lots of it)
Massive amounts of coffee
Never feeling alone even when no one's around (also ninjas)
Obvious statements
Pleasant morning sunrises
Quests to find chocolate late at night
Radically changed attitude towards Cuesta
Samples at Trader Joe's and Costco
Typical Sundays
Unfailing love on Your part
Vacations
Wacky inside jokes that make no sense to anyone but you and the other person and last way too long for       their own good
X... I don't know how to play the xylophone... but apparently they're cool?
Your character
Z... You know what, I really like zebras. I saw one tackle a cheetah or some big cat on the Discovery channel and it was really awesome.

So clearly there are sooooo many other things to thank God for on a daily basis, and the book of Psalms is chock full of amazing examples, but for now I'm going to sleep. God bless all of those people who had to work tonight, I hope it went quickly and painlessly!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Challenge!

So I've been memorizing a verse every day for a few days, and it's a lot easier than it was when I was in Awanas (I was a Sparky then!). It's only been a couple days, but so far I've got James 1:19-20 ("So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God"), John 14:27 ("Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give. Let not your heart be troubled; neither let it be afraid."), of course I have Psalm 37:3-4 from a while ago ("Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the Lord and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in His way and He will give you the desires of your heart."), and Philippians 4:8 ("Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things"). I'm working on getting a whole chunk in, and I'm thinking about Matthew 6:25-34 (the section about not worrying and just trusting God). You would be surprised at how much it affects your day. Every time I feel myself getting frustrated, I can reference James, and if I start stressing about troubles in the future, out comes John and the Psalm. It's a great way to start off the day too, because instead of just skimming a few chapters, I can concentrate on what God is saying and actually get some meat.

So for all of my readers (all... like I have a hundred or something :p) I want you to try to memorize some verses over the next week. They don't have to be long, but I would go for memorizing verses that have impacted you - it makes it so much easier when it has a personal connection. Philippians 4:8 is one that impacted my life in a huge way because it was that verse that really made me establish my relationship with God. And you should tell me which ones you've memorized! I want to see how God's word is affecting you, it's so amazing to hear how God is working in personal ways.

God bless!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Fear of God

Yesterday I came across Psalm 76, which is one of my new favorites:


(The Majesty of God in Judgement) In Judah God is known; His name is great in Israel. In Salem also is His tabernacle, and His dwelling place in Zion. There He broke the arrows of the bow, the shield and sword of battle. You are more glorious and excellent than the mountains of prey. The stouthearted were plundered; they have sunk into their sleep; and none of the mighty men have found the use of their hands. At Your rebuke, O God of Jacob, both the chariot and horse were cast into a dead sleep. You, Yourself, are to be feared; and who may stand in Your presence when once You are angry? You caused judgement to be heard from heaven; the earth feared and was still, when God arose to judgement, to deliver all the oppressed of the earth. Surely the wrath of man shall praise You; with the remainder of wrath You shall gird Yourself. Make vows to the Lord your God, and pay them; let all who are around Him bring presents to Him who ought to be feared. He shall cut off the spirit of princes; He is awesome to the kings of the earth.


I was reading through it and was struck by how revered God is in the author's eyes. I've been noticing in the past year or two that as a society we have ultimately committed the "unpardonable sin" ("Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man , it will be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come." - Matthew 12:32). Instead of giving God the respect that is due to Him, I see a trend of belittling Him, putting Him in the realm of humanity and dragging His name through the mud. There is a severe lack of reverence and ultimately fear of our Creator in the world today, and it's especially prevalent in the American culture.

Where has the fear of the Lord gone? How do we get it back? What is the fear of the Lord? I'm still trying to figure out the last two, because I've noticed that I'm one of those people who looks at God as my benefactor, best friend, and doting Father, but who's left out the part where Mt Sinai was moved by His very presence (Ps 68), or when God broke the Leviathon's heads and fed them to His people (Ps 74), or when He parted an entire body of water for the Israelites, or when He would strike even His high priest dead if the man had sin in His heart. The God who did all of that (and sooooo much more) deserves more than our fleeting love and temporary devotion. The God who delivered His chosen people from the Egyptians, who appeared to Moses and wrestled with Jacob, who flooded the earth and who rained fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorra should be feared. This fear isn't the kind where we start screaming in terror; this fear that we should feel for God is more of a deep, deep reverence mixed with the understanding that God is supreme, absolutely holy, and has the ability to wipe us off the face of the earth for our sins. 

I get that things have changed, since we are able to rely on the gift of salvation offered when Jesus died for us, but the unfortunate side effect since then is that we become complacent in the fact that our sins are forgiven. We can basically make little booboos and nothing will happen, unless we continue in the sin and it grows big enough to separate us from God. There will always be consequences and God has made that abundantly clear in my life at least, but after the consequence, we're back under the "Jesus umbrella" and we feel untouchable. We have lost the reverence and fear and respect for our Lord in today's society, and it breaks my heart that out of the whole world, it seems that Christians are the ones who spread the loss of respect. I am absolutely guilty of this. I have no idea how to put the genuine fear of God into my heart because I've spent so much time  using humor and the band-aid of God's grace to define my relationship with Him. There are definitely times where I've felt that fear and respect, but it isn't there all the time.

I'm going through the Old Testament right now and one thing I've noticed is that the Israelites experienced the best place in their lives when they respected and feared God, but once they lost that element of respect, their focus turned to themselves and things went downhill. I can't help but feel that the world is on this downhill spiral, where we all think that God is our best buddy who wants us to have whatever feels good and who accepts our sins in the name of love. We don't even know that we're missing out on the different facets of God's character because we're so busy promoting God's "love" to people who are trapped in sin instead of actually loving them enough to give them the lifeline they need. We don't have the proper fear of God in our lives. I rarely refer to Him as my Mighty King, or the God of Jacob, and I rarely remember just how awesome His power is and just how mighty He is. My prayer is that He'll give me reason to remember and experience how powerful He is, and that He'll give me the ability to fear and respect Him more than I do now.

God bless.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Worldly love vs Godly love

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy;love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 
1 John 3:1a - "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God!.."
Colossians 3:14 - "But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection."

There are so many verses that focus on the way that God loves, and the way that we in turn are expected to love  Him and others. Jesus said in Matthew 5:43-48, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain  on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." Jesus explains the difference between how God loves and how the world loves. The world loves when it is easy, convenient, and useful. The world offers false love, as demonstrated in 2 Samuel 15, where David's son Absalom "stole the hearts of the men of Israel" (vs 6) with his wit and charm and smooth words. He stole the affection of the people away from his father and ultimately away from God. Absalom later led a rebellion against David and ended up dying by a soldier's hand because he got caught in a tree during a battle... weird story, you guys should definitely get in on that. 

Worldly love is summed up in 1 John 2:15-17 - "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world - the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life - is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever." (emphasis added).  Those verses are a perfect example of what the outcome of each type of love is. With God's love, we get to abide forever with our Creator. And we know from John 14:15 that "If you love Me (Jesus), keep my commandments.", and that the greatest commandment in the law is "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind." (Matthew 22:37); so it goes to show that following God's will is how we show our love for Him. 

However, with the world's love, the Father is not in us, and we are not of the Father but of the world, which is passing away - meaning that instead of abiding forever with the Lover of our Souls, we would also pass away and out of His presence. That seems pretty harsh, but God and the world (more specifically, sin) are polar opposites. If you love the world (which means the sin in it) then you cannot love God. If you love God, then you cannot love sin. And you can't ride the fence because Satan owns the fence. It's not possible to serve God and sin (I can't find where that reference is...). Also, if you're lukewarm, God wants to projectile vomit you out of His mouth (Revelation 3:16), which in my mind doesn't allow for dwelling forever with God - that lines up more with passing away with the world.

And with all of that, I've realized that I often revert to the world's way of loving. I'll love my friends and I'll love my family and I'll love when it's convenient - just as anyone in the world would do. That doesn't distinguish me from any nonChristian. That prevents me from sharing God's love with those people that I can't find it in me to love with God's love. Serving is a form of love, and I'll gladly serve some people over others - if someone I like asks me to do something that's time and money consuming, I'll do it gladly and without complaining. But the minute someone who I don't particularly like asks the same thing, I shut down and if I end up doing it, it's not done in a  joyful way and it's definitely full of whining. I've been convicted by the love described in 1 Corinthians lately. I'm just glad that God is patient with me and that He's brought it to my attention. Loving is hard - but it's what God wants. Loving others is loving God. I'm thankful that God gives us His love when we have none of our own to give, essentially becoming our strength in times of weakness. My prayer is that He'll fill me with His love so that I can use that overflow and depend on Him to love those whom I wouldn't love on my own. 

God bless :)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Pride comes before the Fall

And it's true. Lucifer, that proud, beautiful being who lived under God, certainly fell. He fell a long, long way. Somehow he ended up talking his way into Eve's head in that Garden one day, and weaving his little tale about being above God, knowing what God knows, and being as powerful as God. It's ironic, actually, that Eve fell victim to the same tendency to pride that Lucifer has. And all throughout human history, pride is a recurring issue. Pride is probably one of the most self-destructive emotions we can feel. Pride goes against God's divine purpose because as we become proud, we lose sight of what God really is in relation to us, or, more importantly, we lose sight of just who we are in relation to God and consequently we lose our close relationship with Him. We inflate ourselves because of our bodies, because of our minds, because of how witty we are or how important we are in our community and circle of friends. As we start to build ourselves up, we lose sight of God. We become so obsessed with being attractive, smart, funny, important, and popular that we forget that without God we are nothing. 

In the emergency of discovering a pimple right in the center of our noses that throws off our beauty, we forget that God created the heavens and the earth in a single breath. In the panic of noticing the extra pound or two that will impact the fit of our clothes, we forget that the stars were almost an afterthought for God ("and the stars also"). In the excitement of getting that one special guy or girl to notice us, we forget that God pulled a rib from the man he created and from it made a woman. In the moment of scorn that we feel when the person next to us messes up, we forget that Jesus died a horrific death for that person. 

not only did he die a horrific death for that person, but for every murderer and child rapist in the world. And for us. Jesus died a horrific death for those of us who see ourselves as near perfect, who have never committed the "big" sins, who never ran away from home, who achieved good grades, who never stayed out past curfew and always said please and thank you. Of course, in that moment of scorn we feel that of course He died for me, I'm the good one. I'm the one who should be died for. I'm the one who can control myself where clearly this person can't.

The Bible warns us to take care of the log in our own eye before we can consider the splinter in someone else's. It always confused me that the Bible would assume that my problem was bigger than anyone else's. Why did mine have to be the log? Why couldn't mine be the splinter? And honestly, how does a log get into someone's eye in the first place? I think the point here is that no matter how perfectly you think you're living your life, God's version of perfect will always be out of reach for us. We can always help each other and build each other up by using Godly criticism, but the second we set ourselves above anyone else by assuming that their sin is worse than ours, God is thrown out of the window and perfection becomes skewed. 

The sad thing is that I never really thought about pride being an issue for me. It hit me really hard when I realized that I had a proud heart. And that's ironic because in assuming that I wasn't proud, I became proud of my humility. In my mind I had risen above all the poor shmucks who struggled with it. I have always been the goody two shoes. I have always brought home good grades, come home before curfew, and had all of the answers in school. I have never yelled at my parents or run away from home, and the single most rebellious thing that I've done was wear mismatched clothes. Yeah. Ask my mom about it, that was my rebellious phase. So my whole life I've been the good kid, and as such, I've developed a habit of seeing those around me in the light of my upbringing. As my classmates and friends argued with their parents, I judged. As they flunked a test that I aced, I judged. As I heard stories of parties and drinking and drugs, my eyebrows were raised in Christian disbelief, and I judged. My type of pride is more insidious than the type that comes from having a pretty face or a nice body. My pride is sneakier than that. My pride is buried under Christianese words and values, and dressed up in the frills of the knowledge that I'm walking on the straight and narrow path (the "holier-than-thou" mentality). It's exactly how Satan works because it's in the middle of truth. Yes, I'm saved from an eternity of hell. Yes, I get to see my Savior when I die. Yes, I'm covered by Jesus' innocent and perfect blood. However, I had nothing to do with that. I am as much of a sinner as everyone else. I have as much dirt on me as the next person, if not more. I was just blessed enough to accept the free gift that God offers His beloved creation. How can I look with scorn at my neighbor when I was dead in sin once too? The feeling in my heart shouldn't be scorn or pride, but love. "But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection." (Colossians 3:14).

Good thing God offers mercy and forgiveness to those who sin, because I have sinned. I can't get through a day without sinning. The consolation I have is more than I deserve: "Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! (1 John 3:1a) I, and all of those who have taken Jesus as their Savior and God as their Father, get to rest in the knowledge that we are made perfect through God's love and Jesus' sacrifice. Every day is new. Pride dies here.

God bless :)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Trust in a Time of Need

I'm not a patient person by nature. I don't think that many people are anyways, but only by the grace of God can I hope to be patient. I know that I will never be a teacher, because once I understand something, it's hard for me to find the patience to teach it to someone who doesn't get it as fast as I did, if they get it at all. So you can imagine how hard it is for me to be patient when, after getting this amazing revelation about trusting my life to God, I see someone not understanding the same thing. I know that God has everything under control, and that when I give Him my life and my focus (delighting myself in His ways) He'll take my life and He'll use it and bless it (giving me the desires of my heart). But does she?

By the way, you know who you are. If you read this, anyways.

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus" - Philippians 4:19

(Get ready, this is a big one) "Therefor I say to you, do not worry about your  life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things." - Matthew 6:25-32

In Oregon I had to learn that God was and is and always will be sufficient for me. He is gracious enough to give me amazing and supporting friends and family, but He is the only thing that I need. He is my life and my focus and I can't let anything tear me away from Him. I gave Him my heart, mind, soul, body, thoughts, desires, questions, everything I have, and because of that I know that my life will be blessed and I don't have to worry about where I'm going to live, what job I'm going to have, who I'm going to marry or anything else. It really hurts me to see those closest to me desperately clutch at their lives and as a result constantly stress out about the future. If it's given to God, there's no hassle. If it's given to God, He'll take it and bless it. He'll give you more things than you expect, definitely more than you deserve, and He'll do it because He loves you.  Trust me, I've been there. It's an amazing place to be in, trusting that God holds your life in His hands. And His are extremely capable hands. He loves you unconditionally. No good thing is withheld from His children. And if it's bad - if it takes precedence over Him - He loves you enough to take it away.
I've seen people who have experienced this. I've heard their testimony. You don't have to experience it to understand it, you just have to see it happen. God used the punishment He served to the Israelites (in Ezekiel and other places) to strike fear into the hearts of the Gentiles so that they would see the consequences of disobeying God. Why be the Israelites if you can be the Gentiles? Why bear the punishment if you don't have to? Give it fully to God now and be spared the angst and the trial.

I feel like that was really doomsday-ish. I hope it registers, though.

God bless.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Foot in the Mouth

I need to stop saying things that I can't keep up with. I've had this problem all my life - I'll say something that at that moment is so right, and I'm sticking with it no matter what, and nothing is going to change my mind. Then, usually a few days later, I realize that there is something that can change my mind and I have to retract the statement I made. I usually look dumb doing it. So.... no more statements from me unless I can keep them, otherwise my word isn't good.

The reason for this post? I'm not going to lie, I'm embarrassed that I have to say this, especially since the statement was written down in a previous blog, but... I'm retracting my no hugging guys rule. I've realized that while there are situations where hugs are inappropriate (like when you just meet someone and they go for a hug), there are also situations where hugs are appropriate (like when you come back home after being in a different state for a month and people who you know want to hug you because they missed you). I need to find the happy medium that will allow me to be personable without compromising completely on my personal space. I'm working on that middle ground right now. Moral of the story: I won't just say things unless I can stick with whatever it is that I've said.

So I'm sorry that I seem flaky, but I am working on it and hopefully in the future I can learn to keep my mouth shut. There's a Proverb or a Psalm that mentions listening instead of talking... I'll do my best to do more listening and less talking.

God bless!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I'm so Blessed

I'm just so happy to be with God. I've heard (and agree) that we should be spending as much or preferably more time serving God, waiting on Him, and being with Him as we would on a boyfriend/girlfriend. But how are  we supposed to put such a tangible spin on something that is completely intangible? I can't touch God, and I can't ask Him something and receive an audible and immediate answer... so how does that work? How can I devote my life to Him? How can I dote on Him and fall in love with Him and want to hang out with Him as much as I would want to hang out with a boyfriend?

I'm still trying to figure it out, but I feel like my mantra now is Psalm 37:4, about delighting myself in His ways. I just want to delight myself in Him, and I know that He'll take care of the rest. The awesome thing about knowing that God has everything under control is that I don't even have to worry about my life. There is no actual need anymore to be stressed out about any decision, or about some event that's coming up, because there are no accidents with God, and He has everything under control. He tells us that all good things come from Him, and I know from experience that everything He puts in front of me is for my good. Even if it's a tough time in life, that time serves to strengthen my faith and refine it in order to make me more useful to Him. Every good thing comes from God. I am confidant in that promise, and I'm blessed to know absolutely that right now, God has me where He wants me, that He's confirmed that His hand and blessing was behind my move back to California. I thank God every day that He is with me, even when I'm not with Him.

I also think it's awesome that He's given me all of this time off of work and school, so that I can really devote my time to Him. I can dote on Him and serve Him and talk with Him. He is swiftly becoming my everything, and I don't ever want that to stop. I want to go to Him first for something that I need or want. I want to wake up praying, and I want to bless Him with everything that I do, whether someone is watching or not. I want my life to be taken over by my Creator, and I want to share Him with my friends and with people that I'll meet in the future. I'm still super excited to see more of God's plan for my life!

God bless :)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Prince of Persia (and the Sands of Time)

YOU SHOULD ALL SEE THIS MOVIE!! It has become my favorite movie of all time, even over Iron Man, the Kill Bills, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I'm totally serious. It has sword fights, it' has parkour, it has time travel, it has a really good plot line, and it has less than cheesy dialogue. Beyond all of this great stuff, it doesn't have any cussing or sex scenes!! ONE little kiss scene (maybe two, I don't remember if there's one at the end), and it was a chaste kiss. WHAT!!!??? There are next to no movies these days that are completely clean (to name the few that I've seen, there's Sherlock Holmes, even though it has witchcraft, there's, uh... maybe the first Batman with Christian Slater? I haven't seen that in a really long time, though. There's... Alice in Wonderland. And that's as far as I can think, but correct me if I'm wrong... I'd love to see some clean movies). This one, though, completely takes the cake, and you better believe that that cake is super double decker chocolate with chocolate chips and chocolate icing with big chocolate swirls on top. Great movie. Watch it. Then watch it again. Then eat some chocolate cake because it's really good.

Dang, now I want to watch it while eating chocolate cake :p

God bless!

Monday, October 4, 2010

What to do now...

I'm so excited for life now, it's weird. Being able to have time off of life really helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my time. Time is the ultimate luxury, and having experienced an extreme lack of time last year, I'm really able to understand how valuable it is. I've had my bored moments, but I can always do something - I can go on a walk, I can write, I can draw, I can take pictures, I can take a road trip. I have the complete freedom to do anything, and it feels spectacular. However, since I need money and I like to feel productive, I am looking for a job, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to go into customer service ever again. I've had that experience and it lasted as long as it needed to. I'm not one to inflict pain on myself, so I'm looking now for a dependable morning to afternoon job, with no nights, weekends, or holidays.

I know that this is possible because my sister, when she was younger, was fortunate enough to be invited to work at our dentist's office as a secretary/receptionist/cleaner/whatever else she did. She only worked a few days a week and never had to worry about nights or weekends or holidays, because the office would close early and honored the holidays. So right now I'm looking for a job in dentist offices, hospitals, clinics, something like that, where I can type, file, clean, whatever they need, as long as they have dependable morning to afternoon hours. I love working in the morning and I love having time off at night to go to Bible studies or hang out with friends, so I figure that I might as well just put two and two together. It will work out especially because I'm taking the semester off of school, so my days are open and I have no prior obligations. As much as I enjoyed school, I am feeling so fortunate to have been able to take time off.

I suggest to anyone reading this (I know I'm risking the wrath of all parents everywhere, but trust me, it's worth it if you've worked through high school) to take at least a semester of school off before you dive into real life. You've gone through 12 straight years of school, and it does a person good to take a break and grab some time off. Of course, I am coming at this from the angle that I needed time off, because I worked about 20-25 hours a week while spending most of my day on school anyways... I needed time to get some semblance of a social life. If you haven't worked in high school or played sports, then taking time off wouldn't really do much for you, because I'd be willing to bet you had every night and weekend and holiday free to do what you want, and I really believe in productivity. If you're not planning on going to school, you really should be working. There's a passage in Proverbs (I think) where Solomon talks about laziness vs working, and I know that God favors productivity, because the lazy person's character is generally lacking (no offense to anyone who's reading this... I'm the one sitting on my bum writing now instead of actually looking around for a job - I just know that productivity is extremely important).

Anyways... I guess I'm trying to say that I can't wait to get a job and be able to hang out at night with my friends. Wish me luck!

God bless :)

Friday, October 1, 2010

Well, as long as I'm a coffee shop

I had to be a part of the blogger's cliche and write a blog in a coffee shop. I figured that this would officially make me into a real blogger.

You know, I haven't been in a bad mood in a while, but I'm on a two-day streak right now. It's a bummer, mostly because there's not a legitimate reason for me to be moody. I just am. It's just one of the many things we girls get to experience until well past menopause (and I'm sorry to all of the guys out there who I'm sure are dealing with or have dealt with a moody woman - take it from me, it's almost definitely not your fault, we just like finding things to be mad about sometimes). Unfortunately I'm about 40 years away from menopause. Guess I'm going to have to find a more constructive way to take my mind off of things. Blogging isn't too constructive, because I stew over my bad mood... but I'll make this one good.

Actually, the cool thing about knowing that there's nothing to be mad about means that I can control my mood because it's all in my head anyway. God tells us to rejoice in the day that He has made, and obviously He's made this one and yesterday. He's pretty hands-on - He doesn't let just anybody make days. Which is super encouraging, because that means He knows I'm in a bad mood and He'll step in and help me once I actually stop thinking about how annoyed I am and talk to Him. It's so weird when you're in a bad mood, because every little thing grinds on your nerves and you don't really get around to looking at the big picture (i.e., the fact that there are people dying for Christ in China and things like that).

And I'm ashamed to admit that even through everything God has done for me over the past few weeks, I have the typical human attention span. And obviously I'm human, I'm not denying that; I'm disappointed in the fact that it only took two days of PMSing to take my mind off of God's wonders. I had the thought last night that if I can't be joyful through a bad day, of what use am I to God? Anyone can be joyful when there are things in their lives to be joyful about, but faith shines through on the days where everything is going badly. And it shines through on the mediocre days also. I think that's actually where it gets tough, too, because that's where complacency sets in and you have bad days for no reason. That's where I am right now.

I also know, though, that beating myself up about having a short temper is just as destructive as the short temper itself; it's good to realize what you're doing and repent of it, but dwelling on it turns to self-disgust and self-pity, neither of which are useful mindsets for God, because we're so focused on ourselves. So. Let's talk about the Bible. I found a few great verses about anger: Ephesians 4:31-32: "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." That one is great, because I realized that when I'm in a bad mood I tend to lash out at those around me with bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking - tenderheartedness is never at the front of my mind on an annoyed day. Also James 1:19-20: "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath, for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." God is so good. He wrote these verses for us because human temperament leans naturally towards anger and selfishness. I'm starting to pray daily that God will work on my patience and my heart so that I can respond to all situations with grace and joy. (By the way, I find the verses that I quote in my blog in this awesome little book called "God's Promises for Your Life" - it has sections for anger, loneliness, confusion, things like that. It makes it easy for topical discussions!)

And He's also good, because I'm in a better mood now :)

God bless!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Desires of my Heart

There's something completely freeing about swinging. I don't know the last time (besides tonight) that I've sat on a swing and actually worked up the momentum to get going. I don't think it helps that I usually get a little nauseous when I swing, but tonight my stomach did pretty well. I wonder what an onlooker would have thought when I started to smile at the apex of one of my swings. I don't know about you, but I usually try to control my facial expressions in public, because if I don't, I tend to start giggling about some memory or funny thought. Tonight, though, I was just enjoying the sensation of swinging through the nice evening air, looking out on the Willamette River, and listening to NeedtoBreathe, so I let go of my control and I smiled. I know that it's not such a weird thing to see me smile - it's more the circumstance that I smiled in. There was no reason except that I have a great God and I got to enjoy His presence.

I've been struggling lately with something that's been in my mind for a little bit. I know that at this time in my life, as I'm giving my heart to God, I'm vulnerable to Satan's little attacks. Yes, I have this epic new foundation with God, yes, He's hearing my prayers and answering them, yes, He's blessing me beyond belief - of course Satan will try to distract me away from this great relationship. He's using such a simple thing, such a gift from God (when He gives it in His own time, not when we try to take it in ours), to pull my aim from pleasing God to pleasing myself. Once this desire of mine comes in front of my desire to serve God, it becomes an obsession, and it takes over my prayer life, and it takes over my thoughts, and my dreams, and everything that has been built up by the Lord starts to tumble down. So. I need to give this desire to God and leave it with Him. I know that He can take it, and store it somewhere safe, nurture it and grow it, so that when He's ready to give me His gift, that desire will be mature and aimed at Him. I need to give up this hunger and accept the hunger to read His love letter to me, because I know for a fact that the hunger for His Word is one that will be satisfied, and not only can I be satisfied, but I can be completely full from it.

The verse that has been coming to the forefront of my mind these past few days is Psalm 37:3-4: "Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness, delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of you heart." I know that eventually this desire that I have will be realized, but I need to delight myself in Him every day first, without a single thought of what I will get out of it. It's not a game. It's not cause and effect. It's life and love and dying for Christ; being with Him, just sitting at His feet, that's enough of a blessing for me. That's the desire of my heart right now. He'll take care of everything else in His perfect timing, and I'll sit at His feet and wait on Him unreservedly in the meantime.

God bless :)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

California or Bust (I don't even know what that means...)

"Therefore I way to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" -Matthew 6:23-27


"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness , and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." -Matthew 6:33-34


"Ask, and it will be given to you' seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will you Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" -Matthew 7:7-11


I am always amazed when God answers my prayers, especially the ones that are unspoken and as of yet unthought, when they're just a feeling that has no substance yet, no form. I know that God answers prayers, but I am in a time right now where God is blessing me by being especially close and especially clear to me about what I should do, where I should go, and what verses I should read. I am cherishing this time I have with Him, because I know that it might not last. Oh, He'll be there, I just know that there are going to be times where I'm not as receptive. Complacency does that to me. I guess that's why I love moving, because moving upsets the flow of life. Moving means losing the close contact of close friends, and if you choose as I did to move away from family, it means losing the comfort of having a home where you know the inhabitants. Moving is my mountaintop experience. And this move has been the best yet. Through this move, my walk with God skyrocketed, because it required me to let go of my closest friends, to let go of my security, to let go of my hard-earned cash, and to throw it all to the cross. I am freer than I have ever been, and I am closer to God than I have been in my whole life. Yesterday was the day that I finally understood the meaning of delighting myself in the Lord, regardless of the desires of my heart (Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4). The choice to love Him every morning is now mine alone - there are no expectations to disappoint, no friends to be accountable to if I live my life in sin... it's just me and God. And that has added a new dimension to my relationship with Him.

Of course, through this whole process, I have been giving Him one desire at a time, letting go of my identity and my wants, my hopes and my dreams, and allowing myself for the first time to be pliable in His hands. I have never before these last three weeks actually understood how to let go of something that I thought was important. One of the outcomes of this surrender is letting go of something when God takes it, especially if it's something you've been holding on to for a while. It is so much easier said than done, but once I let that desire go, I found joy. God has called me back to California, and I am joyful.

If He had told me not to go to Oregon three months ago, I would have been crushed. Oregon, as I've been telling my landlords and old friends, is the magic of my childhood. Having spent my childhood in Oregon, I saw that magic and I gravitated to it. The place I was living stretched out before me like a desert, and Oregon beckoned with its greenery, with its rain, and with its nostalgic memories. Oregon was the place to be. I fasted for three days in order to see if it was God's will to go. The only answer then was wait, and so I did. And God blessed that. He told me yes, and I said my goodbyes, and I went. And it has been like a church retreat, just for me, a month-long sabbatical from my life, where God has drawn me closer to Him and has blessed me so incredibly with His overwhelming presence. He has also slowly been changing my heart towards California, so that I can look at it and see not the desert, but the refreshing and beautiful oasis that God prepared for me inside of the desert. I can go home with the knowledge that either way I went, whether it was Oregon or California, God had prepared the way, and He would bless the way. At this time in my life, I feel the pull of the Spirit leading me to California. It could be that in two years, He will pull me back to Oregon, to finish out my school and to live my life serving Him.

For now, I know that God answers my prayers, and He directs my steps, and He will never leave me. All of these things I have read in His Word and have experienced, and I am so excited to serve Him and delight in His ways, no matter where I am or who I am with. I have no regrets about leaving Oregon, and I am thankful that God spoke to me clearly enough to let me know that with His will there can be no regrets. And I am in His will. I am thankful also for the time He allowed me to take away from work and school, and for the newly laid foundation of what I know will be a long and fruitful relationship with my Lord, Savior, and Creator.

God bless :)

Monday, September 27, 2010

"Quest for Love"

My grandma gave me four Elizabeth Elliot books, and I started reading one titled "Quest for Love". It's uh... interesting. Enlightening. Kind of convicting. It's a bunch of love stories, ending both good and bad, with a running commentary by Elizabeth. She uses her own experience and scriptural reference to back up her opinions and convictions, and I'm finding that I agree with her on a lot of things. She's probably in her 60's or 70's by now, and I think that the book I'm on now was written in the 90's, so the information and the way it's presented seems a little dated, but the cool thing about God is that He doesn't change, which means that His values don't either. For all of you guys reading my blog (if there are any): I would suggest reading some of her books, because she talks a lot about the man being the initiator and the spiritual leader, and she backs it up with scripture. It's an old (but these days new) take on the way relationships and marriages should form, and I like the way she thinks :p.

As for my take on things... I've always held the conviction that I wasn't going to kiss until I get to the altar, but I've been wondering lately if that was just because of the pact my sister and I came up with when we were little (I still remember the night we decided on it, but I have no idea how or why it even came up... we were like 5 and 7 years old), or if God gave that to me and wants me to keep it. Looking back at the way that I've been raised and the way that I react to certain things leads me to believe that God gave me that conviction.

Everyone who knows me has probably noticed my tendency to get claustrophobic when too many people are around, when I haven't had enough sleep (remember a certain snow trip after the dog peed on my sleeping bag?), or, most importantly, when people touch me. I've always had a sensitivity to touch that is set off really easily, usually by hugs. I'm not going to lie, I've had more of a problem with guys on this one than girls, because for some reason, certain guys just love girl hugs. It happens with girls, too, if I don't know them well enough. I always have to see the hugs coming... surprise hugs freak me out. My issue is that hugs should be reserved for family or for spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends/trusted friends (and keep in mind that this is my conviction and I am in no way trying to make people feel guilty or force my views on you). So it's always bothered me when people I barely know, especially guys, come up to me and want a hug. My personality is largely non-confrontational, so when this happens I don't know what to do - I don't want to hurt their feelings, but at the same time, I feel uncomfortable. When I was younger I let myself be hugged and then avoided goodbye situations with the huggers, but these days... I figure I'm old enough to be respected for my convictions.

That was a little bit of a rant... what I'm saying, though, is that I am actually thankful that God gave me this possibly uptight personality, because it actually protects me from getting into trouble with guys. God made me both claustrophobic and extremely disgusted by spit, and that's probably the best possible defense against sexual immorality for me. It also makes me laugh - only God would think of using my aversion to spit to ward off guys. I figure that God will give me a tolerance for saliva when He's good and ready for me to be married. At this point (and I know I'm only 18, I won't meet my future husband for a while... but still. It's good to know these things ahead of time) I trust that God is preparing my future husband for me, just as He's preparing me for my guy.

I'm still grossed out by spit, so I'm pretty confident that my day at the alter isn't close. Also, the fact that I'm single has a lot to do with that. Probably.

God bless :)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

I'm at my grandma's house

And it's fun. I was really surprised to find that I found an open network, so I'm able to connect to the internet for a little while. I was really excited to be able to do that, not gonna lie... and I'm a little ashamed that I depend so much on the internet. Such is the life of today's average teenager, and while I'm technically an adult, I tend to fall back on things that seem trivial and largely unimportant (like NEEDING to see if someone's commented on something witty you said 20 minutes ago on Facebook - guilty).

It turns out that God rewards the patient. And it's interesting - I had just made the decision to fix something that I thought I had done backwards, after waiting all this time (I know this is vague, and that I've been pretty vague over the past few posts, but bear with me for a little bit - I'm figuring this out about as fast as you are), and when I went to do something about it, God gave me the assurance that it was all okay. The minute (literally, I decided to do it and then acted on the decision in about 60 seconds) I gave up what I was hoping for, God gave it to me. It could be annoying, if it weren't so perfect. Like... if we were all in grade school and God was that little-miss/mister-perfect who always had the right answer and would wait for you to acknowledge that they knew it all along, then I would be really annoyed. But thankfully, God doesn't come off as smug and He certainly doesn't rub it in our faces that He literally is the know-it-all. Thank goodness. Or thank God, that's probably more appropriate. Does anyone else feel weird when they say thank God for something that describes God? "Thank God that God gave me blah blah blah....". I mean, obviously we're thanking God and giving tribute to His essential awesomeness... but it seems to me like it's blasphemous to say "thank goodness" when you're talking about God, doesn't it?

Sorry, that was a weird spinoff. But uh... thank God that God doesn't smugly say "I told you so" when we figure something out that He's been patiently pointing to the whole time. Because (and getting back the point) He's told us to surrender, to take up our cross, to follow Him, to be willing to sacrifice things that are materially important to us. It's always been tough for me to really give Him my desires, because for some reason I've always felt that if I tell God what I really want, He'll take that dream and He'll throw it away, and then He'll tell me to be happy with what He's given me, which in my head is always something really terrible, like my life lived single or something. And it's still tough. It's a struggle to tell Him the desires of my heart, because that makes me vulnerable. It's a struggle to give Him something that I really really want because I don't want Him to see what a teenager I am. But the cool thing is that once I gave up one of my biggest desires, He took it, and He blessed it. And He did it in a minute. I am so overjoyed to be able to see results so fast, because I know He usually takes more time than we would like to fully answer a prayer (I think I waited two years on one thing before He blessed it).

All that to say... God rewards the patient, even those who may not have been as willingly patient as maybe they should have been (me, for instance). And He confirms things in the most interesting ways. As I said yesterday, I am so excited for what God has in store for my future.

God bless!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Fork in the road

I don't do well with choices. You could say I'm wishy-washy; I'll talk to one person with one opinion and completely get what they're saying, completely agree with them, and see all of their points, and then I'll talk to another person with a different opinion and I'll do the same thing. I don't know why I can't make a decision and stick to it, and I don't know why I always need someone to advise me. It's just who I am. And it's not like I have no opinions, it's more like... there are certain things that I feel strongly about, and then there's everything else. I'm swayed by the last person I talk to. That's why I try to surround myself with people whose opinions come from Godly wisdom, because in the past, my wishy-washiness has given way to standing on shaky moral ground. But thank goodness I have God to whisper in my ear when I'm facing a dilemma where both sides have it right, and both sides are good. God knows what's best for me and He opens and shuts doors accordingly. The only problem here is that there are two doors open, and both lead to great places. But I really do feel God nudging me toward one door over the other (and again, I can't tell you how I feel that, but I do) and I am so grateful that He answered my prayer in that regard. It gives me a rest from stressing out about the future and it gives me something to look forward to. It also makes me really excited that I'm hearing God loud and clear, and I have never felt closer to Him.

We go through different "seasons" in our lives, and while I know that this great season of growth and that feeling of the mountaintop high will pass, I am hoping that instead of following previously set patterns, I'll plateau and stay closer to my Savior instead of peaking and then plummeting. Usually the plummet lands me in a dry and lonely place. But God is always there, I've learned that it's my choice to be with Him or to walk away. And I'm sorry if all of this seems elementary and basic, but all of these things that my head has known for years are being realized by my heart, and it's really exciting to me. Just as God gave understanding of His word to those in Nehemiah, He is giving me that understanding every time I read it.

This time, God has given me the confidence to know that I am picking the right door, and the transformation from a girl who can never decide without a second opinion (unless the choice involves chocolate, in which case it's always going to be the chocolate no matter what anyone else says) to a girl who can hear that still, small voice is underway. I'm so excited for what God has in store for me!

God bless

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I wrote this a little while ago, figured it could use some airing out

God's been showing me the power of prayer.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in all things, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"Call to me, and I will answer you , and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." Jeremiah 3:33

The power of prayer is such a huge thing, and we (myself included), as modern day Christians, have forgotten it. Last weekend I had the incredible opportunity to talk with my grandma, who is a woman of tremendous faith and has had so many amazing experiences with our Savior. She mentioned this morning that God is always with us, whether we realize it or not. He works through us whether or not we notice it, and He never leaves our sides.

I was incredibly humbled and overjoyed to find out that God has used me in a profound way to impact the lives of people who are close to me. The fact that I couldn't see it only serves to remind me that I wasn't the one to change anything; it was God who chose me as His vessel to do His work. I am reminded that every prayer, however short it is, or how inconsistently it's whispered, is heard by God. I'm shocked and amazing every time that a prayer of mine is answered within the day that I pray it, and my faith is growing with each answer. I can't tell you how good God is to me, and how much He's changed me even in the past week.

I want you guys (whoever reads this) to try something new this week: be prayer warriors. The power of prayer is incredible, so amazingly powerful. Jesus says that with the faith of a mustard seed we can tell the mountains to move, and they will. Pray this week, use that faith to move your mountains. Pray for God to move in your lives and show you something spectacular. I know He'll do it, because He's done it for me. In fact, that's my prayer this week, that each and every one of you prays like crazy, and that God shows you a little bit of His majesty, a little taste of His glory, and a little peep of heaven.

Guys, please don't ever hesitate to go to God with your prayers. He hears you. He loves you. He'll answer you. And He'll use you. 

God bless :)
Seeing as how I didn't post a blog yesterday, I'm going to post two today! Hope you're ready for it :)

It's interesting to me how God confirms things. He communicates in so many different ways, so it's tough to figure out if it's really Him, or if it's just me trying to come up with an idea. It's always a fine line when He does tell me things, though, and I can never fully explain why I'm sure that He wants me to do a certain thing. Take my move to Oregon, for instance: I was completely positive that Oregon was the place for me, and God was going to use me in really awesome ways here. And He did! He was true to His promise, and my walk and the walk of those close to me were redeemed and brought closer to God! So that in itself was confirmation to me.

So I don't know why I stress out when I want to know where God wants me if I'm not sure about it. I usually end up going back to one of my favorite verses, Philippians 4:6-7: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let you requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus,". James 1:5 further elaborates: "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, ad it will be given to him".

So basically... I don't know why I worry. I know that God will answer my prayers if I have faith (these verses are just the beginning of many where God promises to answer our prayers: "So Jesus answered and said to them, 'Have faith in God. For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." - Mark 11:22-24;     "He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had prosed He was also able to perform." - Romans 4:20-21;       "So the Lord said, 'If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,' and it would obey you." - Luke 17:6).

I also came across Romans 10:27: "So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.". That's how you exercise the faith muscle! It's so simple, so obvious, but there it is. I know that God has already answered my most recent "what do I do now" prayer. I'm just waiting on His perfect timing now. Stress over, cue contentment. Thank you, Lord, for being faithful, even (and especially) when I'm not.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Change is in the air

Sooooo... after getting lost in the OSU campus for about 40 minutes, I finally found the building that hosted Real Life's (the college group at my church) Freshman Night, just in time to catch the tail-end of the last speaker's speech. Woot woot. I did get to meet some people, though. I can't remember most of their names... hopefully I'll be able to get them again without doing the whole "yeah, I've known you for a year and I still don't know your name" thing. Which, sad to say, I've done with a few people.

Anyways... I don't really have any deep pondering message to post tonight, so I'm going to talk about chocolate and the confusing names of Oregon's porta-potties (this is a request from Brandon, by the way...).

I've been here for two weeks now, and every time I go to the store, I get this really annoying health food mind set - dried fruit, almonds, and little cheese things for snacks, and no chocolate or cookies. I get this holier-than-fat foods type mentality, forgetting that in about a half hour, when my daily craving for chocolate and things that will actually be satisfying kicks in, I'm going to be mad at myself for not buying them. And literally, it's a daily obsession. You would think that I, the queen of chocolate, would at least remember to get a candy bar or something, but noooooo. I've been to the store at least three times now, and all I have to show for it is a package of babybell cheese and dried cranberries. But I did show a little spark of intelligence when I bought this tub of belgian chocolate pudding, because it's rich enough for me to only eat a little, but chocolate enough to almost satisfy my craving. I guess it's a little bit of a compromise (I'm determined not to gain the freshman 15, especially since I'm not even a freshman yet). So... yay for belgian chocolate pudding.

And the porta-potties, oh my goodness. Someone here thought that it would be a FANTASTIC idea to start a porta-potty business and name it "HoneyBucket".
...
What?? Why would honey agree to be linked to something that is obviously neither sweet nor good to eat? I mean, come ON, have a little self respect. I was chatting with Joel and Sarah, and Joel made a good connection - "maybe they were thinking of Winnie the POOH and his honey...". I laughed. It's plausible. I've promised myself that I'm never going to use the disillusioned porta-potty. It doesn't need people humoring it - the sooner it realizes it's got a problem, the sooner it can fix it.
Only in Oregon. I realize that I've said that more than once to myself - Oregon is a pretty strange place.

All right, I'm done rambling. Good night, and God bless :)

Monday, September 20, 2010

Armor of God

I really wish that the metaphors mentioned in the Bible were more than just concepts. Wouldn't it be great if we could dress up in the actual armor of God? "Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, have put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God" - Ephesians 6:14-18.

I haven't thought of the armor of God for a while, but I came across it this morning when I was reading through a little devotional book I have, in the section for temptations. I was just thinking how awesome it would be if we could just do away with our sin issues (I don't know about you, but there's always a little battle going on my head between the saved side of me - the "new man" - and the sin nature that is tucked away in everyone's soul) by using the proverbial "easy button" - I guess in this case it would be more like an "easy suit of armor". It would be suh-WEET if we could just grab this belt of truth (I wonder if that's the inspiration behind Wonder Woman's lasso of truth...), stick on a big old breastplate that makes us righteous, put on some shoes that preach peace to the world without us having to say a word (it's always been an issue for me to talk about my faith), pick up a shield that essentially stops the fiery darts of Satan (which I'm going to assume is temptation - I really want this shield), cram on a helmet that takes us to heaven, and wield this sword that in my mind is like the one that the angels guarding the Garden of Eden have, with flames and this sense of unbeatable awesomeness. How amazing would it be to walk down the street in that outfit? Nobody would have the guts to mess with you, and what with having all of this great Godly stuff on you, sin would just... go away.

But isn't it just like us to look for the easy way out? As much as I hate to admit this, it's probably a good thing that God doesn't have an "easy suit of armor" that we can put on whenever we feel tempted. If we had some material possession that saved us from ourselves, then what need would we have for Jesus? Facing temptation builds character (does anyone else hate that statement? "Son, go rake the backyard." "It's too hot, I don't want to!" "Raking the yard in one hundred and ten degree heat builds character." *sigh...*). Jesus had to go through it. I know you're thinking "but Jesus is God, He's kind of got the upper hand on sin here, seeing as how He's the Creator of the universe and Savior of mankind and all,", and I KNOW, RIGHT? That's what I thought too. But there's a verse in James that says "Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him" (James 1:12). If we didn't have to endure temptations, what would we have to look forward to? If there's no mountain to climb, then we would never have the relief and elation that is experienced upon reaching the top and the sweet, sweet knowledge that the worst is past. If there was an easy way, a material way, to deny our sin and stop it in its tracks, the muscle of our faith would atrophy and the very thing that is sacred to us (i.e., the fact that we are delivered from our sin and saved from hell through Christ Jesus) would lose importance and turn from something that is extraordinary into something that is mundane and not needed. Even though I wish that I didn't have to really sacrifice the things that my flesh loves in this world, I know that every time I do, every time my "new man" beats out the sin nature and I, by my own choice, choose to pursue the righteous path, I have this sense of triumph, of complete joy that I am (with Jesus's assistance) becoming more and more like Him. Of course I fall through - I'm human. But the fact that God enabled us to fight that temptation, and gives us the strength to beat it through the gifts that He's given us is a blessing and a faith builder. That, coupled with the knowledge that every day is a new day in Christ, and that our sins are flung as far as the east is from the west (every time I say that phrase, the song pops up in my head) the minute we fall, is enough to encourage me to work out my faith muscle and build it up enough so that next time, doggone it, my "new man" will win.

All that to say, I guess I'm glad that we have the option to work out our faith muscle instead of taking the easy way out. All the more for God to use when He needs it, you know? I hope that what I said encourages you to work out your faith muscle too. "It burns so good!!" God bless :)

-Saved by Grace

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Something God's been showing me

These past two weeks have probably been the toughest two weeks I've had to face in my life, due to the fact that I moved to another state by myself, with no friends and no support here (that is not to say that I have no friends or support at all; I have amazing friends and family back home and I am grateful to lean on them when things get too unbearable and lonely on my end of things). But while they've been hard, these past two weeks have provided an opportunity for me to evaluate where my life is going to go, what shape it will take, and how I view it. 

So where is my life going? While I'm not sure where I'm going to be in 5 years, I do know that the only way to make those 5 years (and the rest that follow) meaningful is to live every day like it's my last. And I know how hard that statement really is to actually live out, because I've tried. Somehow, life in and of itself can be pretty boring. So I'm really going to have to make an effort to give this living thing a good run. Fortunately, I have a mentor Whose track record is impeccable - you might even say perfect. I've discovered over the past two years that God is the one thing (or Being) who makes life worthwhile. It's mentioned in Psalm 139:13-16 that God formed our inward parts, that He skillfully wrought our frames, and that while our substances were yet unformed, He saw them. He tells us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He promises a life after life where life never ends and even the memory of pain and sin is erased. Consequently, my life is dedicated to giving my days to the God who created them. My life is traveling the path that God laid out for it before I was born. 

What shape will this life take? Only God can know that. For now, I'm content with the shape it's been given (kind of squiggly, with no real rhyme or reason). We are the clay to God's hands, and I am determined to make my life (if I can take my pride and stubborn will out of the mix) pliable for Him and His plan.

How am I going to view it? Thank God I'm not as cynical and sarcastic as I used to be, because if I were, no one would enjoy reading this blog. Before I gave my life over to Christ I had a quick temper and a sarcastic mind. I was mad all the time and complained almost constantly. I always had something to be mad about and usually, everyone knew the subject of my anger. But now, my view on life is tempered by God's eternal perspective and colored by one of my favorite passages, Colossians 3:14: "But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection". My outlook on life is now significantly better, thanks to all of the work God has put into making my heart useful to Him, and I'm doing my best to live up to the passage in James where it says to "count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." (James 1:2-3). My worldview has been blessed with a God filter, and I will rejoice and maybe make a fool out of myself by dancing and singing His praise.

One last thought: I want to share with you the verse that brought me back to my Maker, Philippians 4:8: "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things". God bless :)