California or Bust (I don't even know what that means...)

"Therefore I way to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" -Matthew 6:23-27


"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness , and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." -Matthew 6:33-34


"Ask, and it will be given to you' seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will you Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!" -Matthew 7:7-11


I am always amazed when God answers my prayers, especially the ones that are unspoken and as of yet unthought, when they're just a feeling that has no substance yet, no form. I know that God answers prayers, but I am in a time right now where God is blessing me by being especially close and especially clear to me about what I should do, where I should go, and what verses I should read. I am cherishing this time I have with Him, because I know that it might not last. Oh, He'll be there, I just know that there are going to be times where I'm not as receptive. Complacency does that to me. I guess that's why I love moving, because moving upsets the flow of life. Moving means losing the close contact of close friends, and if you choose as I did to move away from family, it means losing the comfort of having a home where you know the inhabitants. Moving is my mountaintop experience. And this move has been the best yet. Through this move, my walk with God skyrocketed, because it required me to let go of my closest friends, to let go of my security, to let go of my hard-earned cash, and to throw it all to the cross. I am freer than I have ever been, and I am closer to God than I have been in my whole life. Yesterday was the day that I finally understood the meaning of delighting myself in the Lord, regardless of the desires of my heart (Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. -Psalm 37:4). The choice to love Him every morning is now mine alone - there are no expectations to disappoint, no friends to be accountable to if I live my life in sin... it's just me and God. And that has added a new dimension to my relationship with Him.

Of course, through this whole process, I have been giving Him one desire at a time, letting go of my identity and my wants, my hopes and my dreams, and allowing myself for the first time to be pliable in His hands. I have never before these last three weeks actually understood how to let go of something that I thought was important. One of the outcomes of this surrender is letting go of something when God takes it, especially if it's something you've been holding on to for a while. It is so much easier said than done, but once I let that desire go, I found joy. God has called me back to California, and I am joyful.

If He had told me not to go to Oregon three months ago, I would have been crushed. Oregon, as I've been telling my landlords and old friends, is the magic of my childhood. Having spent my childhood in Oregon, I saw that magic and I gravitated to it. The place I was living stretched out before me like a desert, and Oregon beckoned with its greenery, with its rain, and with its nostalgic memories. Oregon was the place to be. I fasted for three days in order to see if it was God's will to go. The only answer then was wait, and so I did. And God blessed that. He told me yes, and I said my goodbyes, and I went. And it has been like a church retreat, just for me, a month-long sabbatical from my life, where God has drawn me closer to Him and has blessed me so incredibly with His overwhelming presence. He has also slowly been changing my heart towards California, so that I can look at it and see not the desert, but the refreshing and beautiful oasis that God prepared for me inside of the desert. I can go home with the knowledge that either way I went, whether it was Oregon or California, God had prepared the way, and He would bless the way. At this time in my life, I feel the pull of the Spirit leading me to California. It could be that in two years, He will pull me back to Oregon, to finish out my school and to live my life serving Him.

For now, I know that God answers my prayers, and He directs my steps, and He will never leave me. All of these things I have read in His Word and have experienced, and I am so excited to serve Him and delight in His ways, no matter where I am or who I am with. I have no regrets about leaving Oregon, and I am thankful that God spoke to me clearly enough to let me know that with His will there can be no regrets. And I am in His will. I am thankful also for the time He allowed me to take away from work and school, and for the newly laid foundation of what I know will be a long and fruitful relationship with my Lord, Savior, and Creator.

God bless :)