"Quest for Love"

My grandma gave me four Elizabeth Elliot books, and I started reading one titled "Quest for Love". It's uh... interesting. Enlightening. Kind of convicting. It's a bunch of love stories, ending both good and bad, with a running commentary by Elizabeth. She uses her own experience and scriptural reference to back up her opinions and convictions, and I'm finding that I agree with her on a lot of things. She's probably in her 60's or 70's by now, and I think that the book I'm on now was written in the 90's, so the information and the way it's presented seems a little dated, but the cool thing about God is that He doesn't change, which means that His values don't either. For all of you guys reading my blog (if there are any): I would suggest reading some of her books, because she talks a lot about the man being the initiator and the spiritual leader, and she backs it up with scripture. It's an old (but these days new) take on the way relationships and marriages should form, and I like the way she thinks :p.

As for my take on things... I've always held the conviction that I wasn't going to kiss until I get to the altar, but I've been wondering lately if that was just because of the pact my sister and I came up with when we were little (I still remember the night we decided on it, but I have no idea how or why it even came up... we were like 5 and 7 years old), or if God gave that to me and wants me to keep it. Looking back at the way that I've been raised and the way that I react to certain things leads me to believe that God gave me that conviction.

Everyone who knows me has probably noticed my tendency to get claustrophobic when too many people are around, when I haven't had enough sleep (remember a certain snow trip after the dog peed on my sleeping bag?), or, most importantly, when people touch me. I've always had a sensitivity to touch that is set off really easily, usually by hugs. I'm not going to lie, I've had more of a problem with guys on this one than girls, because for some reason, certain guys just love girl hugs. It happens with girls, too, if I don't know them well enough. I always have to see the hugs coming... surprise hugs freak me out. My issue is that hugs should be reserved for family or for spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends/trusted friends (and keep in mind that this is my conviction and I am in no way trying to make people feel guilty or force my views on you). So it's always bothered me when people I barely know, especially guys, come up to me and want a hug. My personality is largely non-confrontational, so when this happens I don't know what to do - I don't want to hurt their feelings, but at the same time, I feel uncomfortable. When I was younger I let myself be hugged and then avoided goodbye situations with the huggers, but these days... I figure I'm old enough to be respected for my convictions.

That was a little bit of a rant... what I'm saying, though, is that I am actually thankful that God gave me this possibly uptight personality, because it actually protects me from getting into trouble with guys. God made me both claustrophobic and extremely disgusted by spit, and that's probably the best possible defense against sexual immorality for me. It also makes me laugh - only God would think of using my aversion to spit to ward off guys. I figure that God will give me a tolerance for saliva when He's good and ready for me to be married. At this point (and I know I'm only 18, I won't meet my future husband for a while... but still. It's good to know these things ahead of time) I trust that God is preparing my future husband for me, just as He's preparing me for my guy.

I'm still grossed out by spit, so I'm pretty confident that my day at the alter isn't close. Also, the fact that I'm single has a lot to do with that. Probably.

God bless :)